when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
