Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
