You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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