I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
