I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
