Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
