She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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