They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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