But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A+ Viking dick
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
