Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
