i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
