Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
