i think my mom watched the whole time
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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