Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
