A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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