speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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