Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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