When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
