Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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