I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
