Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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