she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
