i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
