i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
