I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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