Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can text with my tongue
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
