2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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