Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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