i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
