I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
