Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
