It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
