I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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