I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
