i just had sex bonerless
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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