This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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