singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
