just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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