The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
