i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
