I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
