maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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