is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
