yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
