I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
