i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
high people should be assigned attendants
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
