I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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