remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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