he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
