i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
