there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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